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just for laughs

 
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3 putt
Gold Coast Guest
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Joined: 12 Sep 2006
Posts: 187
Location: BBI

PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 9:12 pm    Post subject: just for laughs Reply with quote

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago . Nothing
Is moving north or south. Suddenly a man in a suit knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the
hold up?' The man replies..
'Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson, Billary Clinton And Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise,
they Are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going From car to car, taking up a collection. The driver asks, how much do you have you so far?
The man replies: About a 5 gallons
I'm trying Steve...
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katie
Bois & Grills Club
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Joined: 19 Feb 2003
Posts: 249
Location: Chicago

PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm still waiting for the funny part.
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Uncle Steve
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Joined: 13 Dec 2002
Posts: 389
Location: Big Rapids, MI and Eagle Ridge AKA Red Roof Inn (2006) ... East end BBI

PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
Yes you did..
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3 putt
Gold Coast Guest
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Joined: 12 Sep 2006
Posts: 187
Location: BBI

PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Steve, trying to even things up. Katie didnt like it.
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Rich
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Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Posts: 215
Location: Waterford, WI

PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A blonde and her husband are laying in bed unable to sleep because of the neighbors barking dog. She jumps out of bed and tells her husband that she's going to put an end to this. A few minutes later she returns declaring victory. Her husband asks what she did, pointing out that he still hears the dog barking. She explains, I put their dog in our backyard. Let's see how they like it!
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West End Piper
Pines Paramour
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Joined: 26 Feb 2006
Posts: 392
Location: Sterling Heights/Lime Kiln Point

PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
Good one Rich! Haven't heard that one before! I'm gonna add it to my repertoire! Laughing Laughing Laughing
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3 putt
Gold Coast Guest
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Joined: 12 Sep 2006
Posts: 187
Location: BBI

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:15 pm    Post subject: The Buffalo Theory Reply with quote

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that,my friends is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'
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Squeaky
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Joined: 15 Dec 2002
Posts: 650
Location: Michigan

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh My..... Rolling Eyes
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Troy
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Joined: 07 Jul 2002
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Location: Dallas, Texas

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Didn't Cliff from Cheers make that up?
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Dan Reynolds
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Joined: 13 May 2002
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 3:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says, "Hey, captain, you've got a steering wheel on your pants!"

The pirate replies, "Aye, it's driving me nuts!"


Shrug So I can only remember very short jokes, and only for a very short time.
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3 putt
Gold Coast Guest
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Joined: 12 Sep 2006
Posts: 187
Location: BBI

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dont know Troy? but now that you say..that would fit the show perfect. I just passed it on. Good one Dan...
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Rosemary
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Joined: 23 May 2002
Posts: 233

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 10:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages.

You'll want to be the first at your corporation to make a contribution
to this great man's legacy.

The Library will include:

The Hurricane Katrina Room, that is still under construction.

The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, that no one can find.

The Alberto Gonzales Room, that no one can remember.

The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.


The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.

The Dick Cheney Room in the famous undisclosed location, complete
with shooting gallery.

The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite
Republican Senators.



Thanks, TD for this one.
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Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin.
~anonymous~

"UNTIL ONE HAS LOVED AN ANIMAL, PART OF THEIR SOUL REMAINS UNAWAKENED"
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GonnaGetaway
Tavern Tennant
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Joined: 24 Oct 2007
Posts: 111
Location: My own little world

PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 9:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did anyone see the news this morning????

Monica Lewinsky (sp?) came out saying she was supporting John McCain

When asked why she replied....................

..............................................................

Because the Democrats left a bad taste in my mouth
. Embarassed
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I'll have a cafe, mocha, vodka, vallium latte to go please.....
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Sheila
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Joined: 02 Sep 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Fort Myers, Florida & Bob-Lo Hilton, West end.

PostPosted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 9:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

good one 3 putt Exclamation

Made me laugh out loud.

I can't think of any jokes to contribute, but will work on it!
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Rosemary
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Joined: 23 May 2002
Posts: 233

PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 12:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

HI-TECH RESTAURANT



A man walked into a very high-tech restaurant in a fancy hotel.



As he waited to be seated, he noticed that the Maitre D' was a robot.



The robot clicked to attention and said, 'Sir, there is a one hour wait. And I am programmed to converse with you until a table is ready, If you please.'



Intrigued, the man said, 'OK.'



The robot clicked a couple more times and then asked, Sir, what is your IQ?'



The man answered, 'Oh, about 164.'



The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, Interstellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc.



The man was most impressed. The next day he returned, But thought he would try a different tack.



The robot again asked, 'What is your IQ, sir?' This time the man answered, 'Oh, about 100'.



So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball Scores, and what to expect the Red Sox to do this weekend



The guy had to try it one more time. So the next day he returned.



Again the robot asked the question, 'What is your IQ?'



This time the man drawled out, ' Uh.....'bout 50.'



The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,



'A-r-e y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e g-o-i-n-g t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y?'
_________________
Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin.
~anonymous~

"UNTIL ONE HAS LOVED AN ANIMAL, PART OF THEIR SOUL REMAINS UNAWAKENED"
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Rosemary
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Joined: 23 May 2002
Posts: 233

PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 12:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Mortician


A man who just died is delivered to a mortuary wearing an expensive,
expertly tailored black suit.



The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.


The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue! suit for the viewing."


The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds
her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe;
the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever
this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm
very grateful. How much did you spend?"



To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," he says.



"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a
deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly
after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit.
I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit
instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice."

"So I just switched the heads."
_________________
Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin.
~anonymous~

"UNTIL ONE HAS LOVED AN ANIMAL, PART OF THEIR SOUL REMAINS UNAWAKENED"
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Al'sOtherSister
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Joined: 21 Sep 2002
Posts: 727
Location: Traverse City, Michigan

PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 5:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete.... She is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,





Picabo, ICU.
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Lisa~AKA~Al'sOtherSister

Bob-Lo Island~Where The Wild Things Are...
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Ron Petersen
Lake Mary Muse
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Joined: 22 Aug 2002
Posts: 471
Location: Tipton, Iowa

PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 7:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ted Kennedy has been pestered about writing his autobiography - He finally has it completed -
It will be titlied "Ted Kennedy, the Sober Years"
The 16 page phamplet will be available soon in a book store near you!
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47 years in a row driving 600 miles to get here!!!
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Al'sOtherSister
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Joined: 21 Sep 2002
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Location: Traverse City, Michigan

PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am surprised it would be 16 pages. I was thinking a leaflet titled, "The Day the Cops Questioned Me About the Bridge."
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Lisa~AKA~Al'sOtherSister

Bob-Lo Island~Where The Wild Things Are...
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theeislandgirl
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Joined: 04 Jan 2003
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Location: Texas

PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 8:39 pm    Post subject: s Reply with quote

I was thinking the same thing ...
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The girl that would swim daylight to dark every day down at the old dock ...
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Ron Petersen
Lake Mary Muse
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Joined: 22 Aug 2002
Posts: 471
Location: Tipton, Iowa

PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 8:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LARGE PRINT!
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47 years in a row driving 600 miles to get here!!!
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